dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
