At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There r osticjed everywhere
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
