all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
