I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
