angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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