I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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