I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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