i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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