why didn't you poke me back
it's like iHOP with fire
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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