last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize