So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
