True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
