i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
