Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
