I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
