guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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