I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
