Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
