she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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