Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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