I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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