Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
