Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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