nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize