Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
