when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
