I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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