I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
