Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
