Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
