was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
