i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she looked like the before picture.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
