tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
