Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
