Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
