I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
