she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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