I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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