We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
