I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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