The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
