Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
