I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
