I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
