I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
