Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize