Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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