If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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