something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
