There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
