Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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