ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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