Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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