somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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