you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
