I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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