dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
