Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
